Pose Dominique Jackson Talks Trans Health And Surgery

And even after she transitioned, it took nearly another decade before she was able to have the gender-affirming surgeries she needed to fully ... Skipnavigation!StoryfromTransAmericaPhoto:CourtesyofFX.WhenRyanMurphy'snewestshow,Pose,debutedonSunday,June3,queerTwitterstartedcelebrating.Theshowmakeshistorybyemployingthebiggestnumberoftransgenderactorsplayingtransgendercharacters,andit'sdefinitelysomethingtocelebrate.Ashowlikethishasthepossibilitytochangeyoungtransgenderlives.SimplyseeingthatpeoplelikeDominqueJackson,oneofthetranswomenwhostarsintheshow,existcouldbeenoughtohelptranspeoplerealizethattheirlivesareworthwhile.Afterall,Jacksonherselfsaysthatshecouldhaveusedashowlikethiswhenshewascomingoutdecadesago.Butbecauseshedidn'thavethiskindofrepresentation,Jacksonwentyearsbeforesheevenknewthatshecouldtransition.Andevenaftershetransitioned,ittooknearlyanotherdecadebeforeshewasabletohavethegender-affirmingsurgeriessheneededtofullyfeellikeherself."Thedysphoriaanddepressionthatpeopleexperiencewhentheirbodydoesn'talignwiththeirtrueselfcanbeparalyzing,"saysRachelBluebond-Langner,MD,PerlmutterAssociateProfessorofPlasticSurgeryatNYULangoneHealth.AdvertisementBelow,wetalkwithJacksonaboutfeelingthatincapacitatingdysphoria,workingthroughit,andwhatashowlikePosemeanstoher.Posehasthelargesttransgendercastofanyshowthat'severexisted.Whatdoyouthinkitwouldhavemeanttoyoutohaveashowlikethiswhenyouweregrowingup?"Itwouldhavegivenmeaplacetobeandwouldhavemeantthattheworldhadembracedwhattheyconsideredanalternativelifestyle.Sothiswouldhavegivenmethefreedomtoliveinmytruthatamuchearlierage."Canyoutellmealittlebitaboutyourjourneycomingouttoyourselfandtofamilyandfriends?"I'mfromTrinidadandTobago,andafterItoldmyfamilytherewasnocominghome.IfeltlikeIwasadamagedkid.ButwhatIdidn'trealizeatthattimeisthatIwasbeingpreppedforsomethinggreater.Anditwasuptometobeabletomaintainmysanitythroughoutthesetraumas.Peoplewererapingme,inanattempttotellmethatIwastoofeminine.Butoutofeverything,Ihadthemostconfusionwithmybody."Itwasanautomaticthing,whereyoucomeintotheunderstandingthatyou'reaboyandthenyouseethebodypartsofagirlandthenyourealize,'Wait,that'swhoI'msupposedtobe.'"Eventually,Isatthefamilydown,andItoldthemaboutmymolestationbythepriestandItoldthemthatIwasgay,becauseIhadfearandIdidn'tknowhowtofaceit.AsIwentalong,Irealizedthatitwasn'taboutbeingwithmenforme.Ididnotfeelcomplete(myversionofcomplete),andIdidnotfeellikemybodyrepresentedmybrain.Advertisement"IeventuallyendedupcomingtoNewYork,andIgotintotheballroomsceneandImetthesewomen,someofthemostbeautifulgirlsI'veeverseen.IknewIwasn'tgayandIwasn'tstraight,andnowIrealizedthatIcouldbeawoman."Ohwow,soyouwereinballculturewhenyouwereyounger?JustlikeinPose?"WhenIfirstcametotheU.S.,Iwas18yearsold.Andononeofthefirstnights,IwasindowntownBaltimoreattemptingtogoonadatewithaguy.Isawthesepeoplecomingupthestreetandawomanwhobecamemysistercameuptomeandsaid,'No,you'renotdatinghim.Comeon.'Thatsavedmylifebecausethisguywasinfectingpeople[withHIV/AIDS]onpurpose."Idiscoveredtheballroomscenethatnight.TheystartedtotellmeallaboutitandthatIcouldwalk,andI'mthinkingtomyselfthatIneverthoughtofmyselfasbeautifulorgoodlookingoranythinglikethatandherethesepeopleweretellingmethatIwasbeautiful.Shatera,themotherofthehouse,said'You'regoingtobefamily.'IlookedatherandlaughedbecauseIdidn'tthinkatthatpointintimethatitwaspossible.ButeventuallyIendedupcomingtoNewYorkandjoinedtheballroomsinNewYork."Whendidyoumakethedecisiontotransitionmedically?"Imetmyhusbandin1998,whichabsolutelytotallychangedmylife,andweweretogetherfortwoyearswhenthenewmillenniumwascomingin.Isaidtomyselfthatify2kdoeshappenandthewholeworlddoesn'tshutdown,I'mgoingtolive.WealwayshaditinthebackofourheadsthateventuallyIwouldbeabletobecomepost-op.Itwasextremelyimportanttome,andwebothknewthatphysicallytherelationshipwouldn'tlastifIwasn'tcomplete.N0tbecausehewouldn'twanttobewithme,butbecauseIwouldn'twanttoseemyself.Iwouldcryintheshower.Everythingaboutmewasbeautifulinmymind.Ididn'tthinkIwasthemostgorgeousperson,buteverythingfeltamazinguntilmyunderwearhadtocomeofftogetintheshower.Itwasjustdestroyingme."AdvertisementSoyoustartedwantingtobepost-opin2000,buthowlongdidittakebeforeyouwereabletohavethesurgery?"MyGreenCardcamein2015.Butin2013myhusbandhadbecamesofrustrated,becauseIwouldn'tlethimtouchmeinanycapacityatall.Iwentbackintoautopilotandpeopledidn'trealizethatIwasliterallyhangingonbyathread.Itscaredmeevenmore,soIhadtostaystrong.Iwasrecoveringfromthisnervousbreakdown,andIstartedtoseeatherapisttogivemestrength.SoonceIgotmyGreenCardthingsstartedtorollforward.ItwaslikeGodsaid'Okay,you'vesufferedenough.'"SoonenightIwenttoanawardsshowand[oneofmycolleagues]saidtome'OhmygodIknowwho'sgoingtodoyoursurgery.'SoheintroducedmetoDr.Rachelanditwaslikeherenergypulledmein.IgotadateonJune29,andIwilltellyouthingsstartedtoreallylookup."Howdidyoufeelafterthesurgery?"IcameoutandIwasexpectingtobeinhorriblepain,butoneofmysisterswhounderwenttheprocesstheMarchbeforesaidthatDr.Rachelwillmakeyoufeellikeyoujustgotacutonyourfinger.AndshealsosawmeafterIgotoutofsurgeryandsheaskedmehowIfeltandshesaidthatmyresponsewas'Ifeelfree.'"Doesyourpersonalexperienceinballcultureandinyourtransitionrelatetoyourroleontheshow?"Well,Ireallycan'tanswerthatbecauseI'llbegivingawaytoomuch.ButIwilltellyouthis:Theshowisextremelyauthentictoexperiences.Theconsultantsontheshowwerereallyamazingandtheybroughttheirstories.Andthosewhowrotetheshow,StevenCanals,OurLadyJ,JanetMock,RyanMurphy,andothers,wrotewithasenseofunderstandingthat,acrossthetransgendercommunity,ourjourneystobeinginthegenderthatourbrainstellsusweareendindifferentplaces.Wehavealotoftransexperienceontheshow." 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